Day 15: Behind The Screen: Moses

I’ve decided to join a Behind The Screen for one of my poems with a post from my Ramadan blog. I think this one goes hand in hand so I’m hoping it works. For those who haven’t read my poem Moses, here’s the link to it (might help understand this post a little better):

I’ve based this poem on the Islamic story of Moses. Just before Moses was born, the ruling Pharaoh had a dream which he had interpreted. He understood from this dream that a male is going to try and overtake his throne. So, what he did is that he ordered all new born males to be killed. However, his court had brought up that there won’t be any manpower if he kills all the males. So they agreed that one year he will kill all males and the next year he will spare them all. In the year which Moses was born, this was the year that the Pharaoh was going to kill. In the Quran, it states that God had inspired the mother of Moses, whom till this date was secretly suckling him, to put the baby in a basket and let him drift along the river Nile. Moses’ sister was instructed to follow the basket. The basket drifted down the river Nile all the way into the hands of Asiya, the Pharaoh’s wife. She had persuaded him to adopt this child and the Pharaoh agreed. Moses was sitting in the Pharaoh’s lap and he had tugged at the Pharaoh’s beard. This action made the Pharaoh believe that Moses will be the one to overthrow his power. So he had ordered his servants to kill Moses. However, Asiya had interceded and begged the Pharaoh not to kill her baby and to just understand that he is just an infant.

I had wanted to write about childbirth for a while and it’s quite a big subject. So I decided on doing it on the anticipation a woman feels knowing that she is pregnant after wanting a child for such a long time. The first half of the poem takes us through the elated emotions of Asiya because after being told she can’t have any children, she is blessed with one. She wants everything to be perfect for the arrival of her baby, so she decorates the river Nile and gets the whole village to work on a huge celebratory feast. Mount Sinai, known to be the mountain which Moses led the Israelites to, was also waiting for his arrival. When a woman is expecting, her family are also expecting too. The ones nearest and dearest to her are waiting with her. The family home and a woman’s natural state is waiting changes for the baby. The milk bottles are bought, the bibs are washed and the cot is wrapped up in new sheets just waiting for this beautiful baby to make use of them.

But, the King, or in this case, nature or God has decided that this baby is not right for the expecting mother. It is not in this mother’s destiny to have a child. So this mother bleeds when she should not be. She loses her baby. She does not know what she has done wrong to expect this punishment. I can only imagine the draining emotion a mother feels when she finds out that she has had a miscarriage. Her faith in God shakes as she questions Him in the poem. She then comes to realise that we can never be certain of our future. Miscarriage is a topic which I get all teary eyed about because if I put myself in the shoes of a mother I can only begin to feel that feeling of missing something that was never actually mine.

I am a firm believer of ‘everything happens for a reason’. My religion teaches this all the time. Whatever happens, God has not done it in haste. It could sound like I’m downplaying the issue of miscarriage with that line. But if you think about it, ‘everything happens for a reason’ is one of those lines that comes and bites you in the bum when you don’t realise. When things have turned out okay after a rough patch, you realise how worse things could have been. Well, I know I do this anyway. “He knows what is before them and what is behind them and to Allah are all affairs turned back”. (Qur’an, Surah Al Hajj (22:76)) This verse just sums it all up. However, Allah knows that we have emotions. I’m not saying that we should not mourn or be sad over things which may happen to us. We are humans and we have emotions. But God is there to reinforce us that things WILL look up and not to give up on your faith in Him.

There are plenty of verses that explains that God is there in times of sadness.
“…Bear with patience whatever befalls you….” (Qur’an 31:17)
“Be not sad, surely Allah is with us.” (Qur’an 9:40)
“Verily, with hardship there is relief” (Qur’an 94:6). This verse in particular speaks out to me because I find that in my little world it has been 100% true. There has not been one time (yet) where I have been going through a rough patch and I have not come out of it with better things coming my way.

“..Be mindful of Allah, you will find Him before you. Get to know Allah in prosperity and He will know you in adversity… And know that victory comes with patience, relief with affliction, and ease with hardship.” < This verse is what I think people expect from a really good friend. If your mate is going through a really tough time, you know them a lot better because this is when their personality emphasises it's best and worse traits. With the help of a good friend you can come out of that situation a much stronger person. If you are patient, kind and mindful of your close friend (and they know of your effort) they will be there for you in times of need. There is no doubt in my mind about God being there for me. I tend to make the mistake of asking for God's help when I'm going through a tough time. If a friend always called whenever they needed something from me, that would be pretty annoying. If I really mean it when I say I love my God, then I got to remember that I can't just go to Him when things aren't going my way.

It’s a two way relationship. Be mindful of God, God will be mindful of you. He will not burden you with more than you can deal with. You realise this when you deal with the situation at hand. At first things may seem daunting and scary to deal with but a majority of the times.. we just get on with it. It’s not a burden when you’re capable to deal with it. We’re stronger than we think.

Everything happens for a reason.

Day 15: Behind The Screen: Moses

For You: Behind The Screen

‘For You’ was inspired by The Kite Runner, a book written by Khaled Hosseini. I read the book a while ago in one day. I just couldn’t put the book down. This book took me through a whirlwind of emotions. It’s about a journey of a friendship between two boys in Afghanistan, Amir and Hussain. Amir, the son of a rich man, yearns for his fathers love as he believes Hassan, son of the servant who works for Amir and his father, has been slowly taking his father’s love away. Amir and Hassan grew up together and Hassan was the successful kite runner for Amir’s kite flying competitions. An event happened (which I won’t reveal for those who haven’t read it yet) which changes the whole story.

The infamous line that stood out to me, and I’m sure to many others who also read the book, is the line ‘For you, a thousand times over.’ That line encompasses the whole narrative of the book. It’s about how far one would go to be loyal to another, to love another, to look out for another. We go through everything Amir goes through. Feels everything he feels. I also hated him a little because of the way he acted when Hassan went through huge lengths to remain being a loyal friend.

I had to fight with my own thoughts, whether I liked Amir or not, whether he did the right thing or not. So many elements of this story that I could relate to. Does Amir really love Hassan the way he says he does? Do we love people the way we say we do? We all talk the talk,  but when it comes down to really being there for someone, do we bottle it and turn back or do we go through many burdens just to be there for them? We all connect to one another, in some sense, because we all have something another person needs. Whether that be time, a good laugh or a distraction. I don’t know if this is too brave/brash to say, but we are all selfish. We all need and want from one another. So when the time comes, where you have to make that decision about whether you should look out for yourself for the greater good or take yourself out of the equation and look out for another regardless of the consequences… would you stumble? I’m only asking because I wouldn’t know what to do in that situation. Maybe it’s better to go through a moment of pain and live in blissful ignorance. Or it could be better to go through pain for a long period of time but knowing you’ve done your best. Each situation is different. I couldn’t pick one. But it’s that fight within ourselves that I wanted to highlight.

Also, another very important aspect of the poem is the issue of rape. This is something quite personal to me. It happened to someone I know, a very long time ago. I wanted to write it for her knowing that I wish I could have saved her from it because it has scarred her so much that it stops her from doing certain things, even to this day. It has changed the way she views relationships and the people she talks to. It stops her from getting close to anyone. And understandably so. But that one tiny moment has changed her life. And I couldn’t help but wonder what she would have been like if that never happened. The sad thing is that she felt like she couldn’t go to anyone for help. It may seem like a petty thing to say, but I believe that everything happens for a reason. I know she wouldn’t have been the amazing person she is today without that experience testing her strength and faith in humanity.

Rape and domestic violence is and has always been a taboo subject. But taboo subjects are usually the ones that need to be talked about. I don’t have much brain power to change this, but I do have my writing ability. So I will help in any way I can.

This poem is for those who have felt oppressed, been taken advantage of, and for those who genuinely wish they could have done something about it.

For You: Behind The Screen

Tap Dance: Behind The Screen

From the first glance, Tap Dance can seem very lovey dovey. There are two people, one person getting hurt because the other messed them about. Quite the usual romance story. But for me there is more to it than that.

All your life, you’ve lived with no one but yourself. But one person who you may have just met very briefly one time, exchanged smiles, laughed at the same joke within a group of friends, just walks into your life. Whether this be romantic or not – it doesn’t really matter. One person can waltz in very innocently and without you realising they play such a huge part in your present life. They can also effect your future in the decisions you make. And you realise that a couple of months ago you had no idea who they were. You can get so close to someone so easily and most of the times not even realise how much they take up your thoughts. Like, “If I get enough of my work done today, I’d have enough time to meet up with so and so.” Or, “I know she likes cookies, I could buy her one while I’m out on my lunch break.” Simple things. Being close to someone doesn’t means hugs and compliments. And for some close friends, it also doesn’t mean throwing insults at each other because you guys are so comfortable with one another. For me, being close to someone is appreciating who they are. And the fact that they are in your life. It’d be a bit weird saying you appreciate them every day, but you show these things naturally. In the way you place them in your mind. The way you schedule your timetable to fit their’s. The way you check up on them every day.

You sometimes forget that once upon a time you lived your life without them. As quickly as a relationship between two people can start, it can so quickly end too. That’s when I realised that someone coming and going is just a small stage in your life. A tiny little chapter. Full of really great days, mediocre days and those terrible moments you wish never happened. But you clutch onto everything that you can and sometimes it just doesn’t work out.

That person you talk to becomes a habit. And the more you talk to them the more you want. Old habits die hard. So we wait. Wait for the next person to walk their way into our lives to fill the void. Even though your first experience of getting close to someone did not work out the way you wanted and you got hurt, you still want it to happen all over again with someone new. Even those girls who once said they hate all boys, end up getting married. Lessons are learnt and you learn to get wiser with your emotions.

That’s what this poem is about. Once one chapter ends, another will begin. And this time, you just hope that this one doesn’t end.

Tap Dance: Behind The Screen

Wrapping: Behind The Screen

Wrapping was written the same time I decided to do this blog actually. I was listening to Kanye’s and Jay-Z’s album, ‘Watch The Throne’ and:

1) I really liked it.

2) The fact that they were being open about being Black and this being a problem when trying to get places, moving up the ladder for you cliché lovers, was really cool and I kind of connected.

3) Made me think why do I connect with hip-hop so much?

That’s when I realised it’s because hip-hop is all about struggle, making it big, getting out of the small town and making your voice heard. But, why should I hide behind the stuggle of the Blacks? I’m not belittlng the struggle, trust me. But why don’t I do anything about it? Maybe because reality hit me. No one is going to listen to a girl who’s Muslim, originally from Bangladesh and brought up in a family that has it’s own set of rules and regulations. I talk about the struggles of living in the UK as a Muslim and people think I’m being paranoid. People think it’s boring and we’ve heard too much about it. “Change the record,” I presume many people think.

But their song, ‘No Church in the Wild’ stood out to me. Not because it was Kanye and Jay-Z’s material.. and not because of Frank Ocean’s beautiful voice.. but because of the content. When talking about struggle you have to put yourself in the other person’s shoes in order to understand them.


Empathy is the one thing that I’m hoping is the focus throughout my poetry. So yeah, these thoughts naturally lead to writing it down on paper. And then I guess the frustrations of being heard but not actually listened to spilled out. So as a result, after writing Wrapping.. I decided that it doesn’t matter where I’m from or what I do, if the content of my work is good, it’ll show. I hope.

Wrapping: Behind The Screen

Don’t Be: Behind The Screen

So, this poem was inspired by a good friend of mine, Sahar. We’ve known each other for nearly 6 years and we’ve been through a lot of ups and downs during that time.

There’s this secret place I go to whenever I need to just breathe and sort out my thoughts. I took her here because she was also going through a lot at that moment and I had written this poem about my reaction to all the nasty words people were saying to/about her. Infront of us is the River Thames and we can catch glimpses of the 02 dome-spike things. Anyway, with food as our comfort she started to tell me what was on her mind. It surprised me how much the things she went through had effected her self-esteem so much. I tried telling her that she is an amazing person, because she really is, but when you’re going through a lot of crap I don’t think you hear the good the people have got to say about you. It actually made me a little sad seeing her like that because I see such awesomeness and she couldn’t see it herself. It’s not nice seeing people beat themselves up over things which isn’t their fault. Words hurt. A lot. And the effects could be seen. So, I did the lame thing and read her this poem. I hope it made her feel better.

Don’t Be: Behind The Screen