I’m going to reel it back in today with a quick overview of Ramadan. I’ve reached the halfway mark so I wanted to just refresh what I’ve learnt/need to do/aim to do.
One of the main things that worried me before Ramadan is that I’ve become so used to slacking that if I start getting back on track spiritually I’ll have to carry that on. I don’t like wasting my time and Ramadan is a time that I do not want to waste so if I’m going to better myself, I want to be able to take what I’ve learnt or have aimed to do and carry it on for the rest of the year. I won’t say all my goals because a very husky sounding guy once said ‘if they don’t know your dreams, they can’t shoot them down.’ And I think in the back of my mind, my goals this year are quite big so even if I say it out loud I’m afraid that I won’t be able to reach those goals. But, if I do actually carry on my actions after Ramadan it can only be good for me. Not a single bad thing will come out of it. I’m not so sure why I’m worried. One of the things I really want to work on is linking the things I learn about my religion to myself.
I study my religion at university. During the year the things I have learnt really messed with my head and it shook my faith so much that I started questioning what I believe. I learnt about the compilation and revelation of the Quran and the countless number of views about it. These views were so well written and articulate that it was hard not to get drawn into it. So I started thinking with my head and totally forgot about my heart. The more I questioned the more I got myself in a frenzy and became apathetic to my surroundings. I then hit the all time low where I didn’t know if I was Muslim anymore. I freaked out about the thought and the only thing I could think of doing was pray. It’s innate. It’s built within me to go back to God. I went on super religious mode to get myself back again. I read the Quran and it answered all the questions I had. I don’t know why I didn’t think about doing that earlier. I guess the immensity of the literature around me got me looking for answers in there and not the holy book. Then, to make sure this doesn’t happen again, I think I started to subconsciously separate myself from the Muslims that I was being taught about. I started saying, ‘Muslims believe..’ instead of ‘I believe…’ I wasn’t linking anything that I was learning to myself. So then I got less and less mindful of God because I took a step back and looked at my religion from a very conservative and outsider’s point of view.
This Ramadan I told myself I want to become mindful of Allah. So, I’ve been reading a simplified translation of the Quran every day and the things I am learning I am connecting to myself. This is where the idea of this blog came from. I wanted look deep into the verses that I was reading so I can feel again, I guess. I want to grab my religion with both hands and call it mine. That’s one of my big aims. Refocus, recalibrate, and remember Allah. So now that I’m at the halfway mark, the reading of the Quran on a daily basis, reflecting on verses and looking into them is really working. I’m going to try carry this on for the next 15 days and after Ramadan too. The next 15 days I will also focus on my du’aa (suplication). I need to give it a lot more importance and find the sweetness in it. I tend to shy away from it because I feel like a hypocrite asking God for things when I haven’t been a great Muslim. I will look into supplication properly and apply that to my daily life.
I’m basically working at my foundation this year. I’ve been so busy trying to gulp any knowledge I can find that I’ve become way too heavy for my cracking foundation.
Setting goals really helps. Short term and long term. If you haven’t done so already, set your goal for the next 15 days. And then a six month one and then a year one.. which will lead to your ultimate goal. This goes to people of all faith. It really helps you figure out what needs to be done to achieve those goals. Don’t waste any time.