The Night Before.

So, I thought that this year as I have started being more public with my poetry and just writing in general, I thought I would do a Ramadan blog.

 

For those who don’t know what Ramadan is; Ramadan is a month in the Islamic calender which Muslims fast from food and water from sunrise to sunset. The aim of Ramadan is to put the soul through a detox and to purify it from the sins one may have done during the past year. Muslims don’t only fast from food and water, but from bad habits too.. like watching what we say and being careful with what we hear. The reason being, that this Islamic month is here so we can focus all our energy and attention on God, his Book which He revealed in this month and ask for guidance/forgiveness. There are extra special double triple award nights in this month too. But, in general, it’s to refocus our attention on purely worshipping God.

 

This sounds a bit full on for those who don’t know what Ramadan is, and it may seem like a chore to read about it but I’ll have you know that this isn’t gonna be about me preaching and whatnot. This is just put my thoughts and questions onto the screen. Throughout the month, I will be reading the Quran quite a lot so I wanna share with you the things that I learn and discover. I won’t make it too religiousy.. I actually want it to be open enough for anyone to read.

 

Anyhow, now that the introduction is over, tonight is going to be the first night that I wake up before the morning prayer to stuff my face so my stomach doesn’t rumble during the day. I’m gonna be dead honest, I was a bit scared about Ramadan coming up this year because.. well… because I haven’t been a very good Muslim. I don’t think anyone who does submit themselves to a religion can say they’re a great follower but I personally think that this year I’ve been slacking. Slacking in terms of prayer and making decisions with God in mind. So now that this month is starting tomorrow, I’ve felt anxious because I’ve become used to slacking. I’ve become used to not linking my actions with good reasoning. Most of the things I’ve done, I’ve done it just because I wanted to. Now some may say that this is just fine.. do what you wanna do. There’s no harm in that. I’ve even started to believe it. But I also do kinda believe that every person’s action is accounted for.. so if I’m not doing it for the right reason.. what’s the point of doing it? This is where people differ – what is the right reason?

 

There’s a reward system in every religion. If you do good actions, you’re rewarded. You do bad deeds, you’re punished.  So if I’m just doing good deeds and going by the book to be rewarded in the hereafter, am I following the religion for the right reason? It goes further than that.. I don’t want to be doing good actions just to be rewarded. I want to be doing them so that God can be happy with me and because I wanted to do them out of the sincerity of my heart. I guess what I’m talking about is that I don’t want to be fasting just because I know that I’m gonna be rewarded for it, or because I’ve been told to do it orrr because I’ve grown up to believe that this is what we do. I understand, accept and enjoy that I have this month to fix myself up. Just imagine going through day by day, month by month, not having the chance to self regulate what we do. To hibernate and detox. People I know, those who are not Muslim, do this too actually. I have friends who disappear for a month because they wanted to cut themselves off from everything so they can have ‘me’ time. I guess we all need it. Spiritually and mentally.

 

I’m not going to come out pristine at the end of this month, I know that for sure. But at least I’ll have my scattered thoughts rearranged and intact. I’ll know what it feels like to pray every prayer on time again. I’ll know what it feels like to connect to my religion again. And if it feels good, it will (hopefully) carry on.

 

If there’s one thing I am certain about, it’s that I’m going to miss Ribena a lot.

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The Night Before.

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